You Snooze You News


Dr J’s judging was almost as ugly as Clyde Frazier’s jacket.


Thanks to my computer freezing lately more than my nuts when I venture into the frozen tundra outside, I’m a little behind on dishing out meaty chunks of wisdom.  They’re a tad stale by now, but no less mentally nutritious:


Itsy Bitsy Liar – Anderson Silva made news that’s become all-too familiar lately and tested positive for PEDs following his fight with Nick Diaz last month.  Truth be told, steroids or no The Spider didn’t look anywhere near the fighter of old, and after shattering his leg in his last fight, I’m not shocked the 39-year old went the Rodney Harrison route and tried to roid his way to recovery.  That’s almost expected in a way, as is really any PED use by any athlete quite frankly—especially those in the more violent sports like football, boxing, or MMA.  Now foul-mouthed Q-ball and UFC president Dana White has implemented an extremely harsh new drug policy in hopes of cleaning up the sport.  It’s an admirable goal, but medical science is always going to be one step ahead of testing procedures.  Fighters will just find new ways to beat the tests.  No matter how hard White tries, the days of PED-free combat sports are over, if they were ever really a reality in the first place.


Mini Chicago Black Sox – Say it ain’t so.  Or say “Who gives a fuck?” like I did when I heard the news that the Chicago Little league team that lucked its way into the world championship only to get humiliated by those stinkin Japs will forfeit their U.S. title.  They never should’ve won it in the first place.  The team of pee pants from Nevada was clearly superior, and shelled Chicago when they played the first time before losing the deciding, though technically mathematically unnecessary, subsequent re-match.  Now we find out that the Chicago parents illegally re-districted a city to their advantage like they were the Republican Party.  In their defense though, the parents say they’re much more familiar with chalk outlines than town borderlines.


Dr. Gay – Did anyone else notice Dr. Huxtable’s old medical school roommate, Dr. J’s annoyingly self-important judging performance at the Dunk Contest?  The asshole was the only judge who was never prepared even once to show his score in conjunction with the rest of the old fogie ex-players.  That arrogant shit was no accident.  How come every single other judge immediately had their scorecards raised in unison while the good doctor, who was conveniently seated at the end of the dais, would fish around for several irritating seconds before slowly unveiling?  Because he wanted special attention like he was the Money Ball of judges.  What a tool shed.  And as the only judge to give a smelly old “9” in a panel-wide agreement on one of winner Zach LaVine’s clear “10s” he’s a jealous old prick to boot.


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