I’ve never hated a professional athlete more in my life than Floyd “Avoid” Mayweather.
It’s not anything really all that personal; it’s strictly as a boxing historian. The fuckface is running around pretending he’s the greatest fighter of all time when he isn’t even the best fighter of his era. He’s run from top tough opponents as shamelessly as he’s run from anything resembling a competitive fight. This dude might have convinced some Johnny-Dumb-Latelys but he ain’t fooling me. I’ve been watching him since the ’96 Olympic games, since he took apart Genaro Hernandez and made him quit on his stool as a 21 year-old kid, to the “slave contract” comment about HBO, to the shockingly easy Diego Corrales dismantling—all of it. I’ve seen the good, bad, and ugly of this dude and simply put, he’s a great fighter, but Ray Leonard would have fuckin destroyed him. And Sugar Ray Robinson would have fuckin destroyed Ray Leonard. So that gives you a picture of where Floyd really stands in the all-time greats conversation.
This asshole’s always crowing about, “Forty-four have tried, forty-four have failed.” Well, actually it’s forty-three because everybody knows he lost to Jose Luis Castillo the first time, but earned a bullshit decision because he was HBO’s new Golden Boy at the time, and Castillo was a completely unknown fighter from Mexico with no big promotional backing to speak of. Look at Floyd’s record. See where the same name appears twice in a row? That’s because Floyd had to immediately re-match Castillo in order to redeem himself after being handed a gift-wrapped decision in the first go-round. Why would you have to fight a guy twice in a row if he “failed” to beat you the first time?
Avoid Floyd ran like a woman from Manny Pacquaio and everyone on earth knows it. Now that Pac-man got axed by one of my all-time favorite fighters Juan Manuel Marquez in perhaps the greatest moment of my fight-watching life, there’s no more public clamor to see it. And Floyd can keep churning out one shit-smeared PPV after the next and still make assloads of money so obviously I figured he’s never going to fight anyone with even the slightest chance of beating him. And then I hear he signed to fight Canelo Alvarez.
My first thoughts were that it was a joke, or a cheap publicity stunt by Floyd. No way would he fight this dude. Canelo’s much younger, bigger, and stronger than Pacquiao and Floyd was scared shitless of Pacquaio. But now here it is. We’re a few short hours from what could potentially be the greatest sports moment of my existence: Floyd getting smashed into the oblivion of reality that he’s not nearly as good as he thinks he is.
Floyd’s slipping. Anyone who saw his fight with Cotto knows that. He absorbed more sustained punishment in that fight than any other bout in his career, and the reason is how much time he was forced to spend on the ropes resting those old legs while trying to pick off shots and counter. Cotto consistently chewed him up along the ropes, and at one point when the jumbo-screen showed Floyd in his corner only to reveal blood leaking from his nose the audience went ape-shit, cheering wildly. Can you imagine? Is there any other evidence required that nobody likes this fuckin guy?
So back to tonight. If Floyd is going to be as hittable as he was in the Cotto fight he’s in big fuckin trouble. This kid is only twenty-three—he’s not going to fade late like the much more shop-worn Cotto. And he’s bigger and stronger and faster than Cotto as well. The recipe is certainly there for a piping hot can of ass-whupping. But I don’t know…
Floyd’s a bitch, pure and simple. He’s not going to suddenly grow a pair of balls at this point of his career. He’s gone to the kid’s last couple fights; he’s seen something that he thinks he can easily exploit. Otherwise he’d never take the fuckin fight. He even kinda spilled the beans himself on the last episode of Showtime’s clear rip-off of HBO’s 24-7 show. As he casually went through his grueling sit-up routine, he explained that he and his team deliberately built up Canelo on the undercard of bigger events to make him a more attractive opponent. To paraphrase, Floyd chirped, “I build em up til people think they’re better than they are. Then I fight em and knock em down.” Jesus now that sounds like somebody trying to prove his all-time supremacy all right. Could you imagine Ray Robinson saying some shit like that? The muthafucka fought Jake LaMotta six times alone! Then again psychotic decisions like that led to his 200-fight career and subsequent brain damage. So on the one hand, maybe you can’t really blame Floyd for his safety-first approach.
But as safe as he is from the comforts of having a parade of one hand-picked opponent after the next, he’s astonishingly reckless with spending his money. You couldn’t even parody the way this dude spends, there’s no room for hyperbole. Between the rap video-sized entourage, the golddigging wife, his eighty kids, the rest of his screwball family, and his own monstrous gambling habits coupled with a Vegas residency, this dude’s gonna be singing the MC Hammer blues in no time at all.
Guarantee the wife bounces in a couple years—there goes millions out the fuckin window right there—and the entire entourage will also inevitably disappear as Floyd enters retirement and the endless waterfall of cash dries up. It will be just as well though. Have you ever watched him interact with that crew of clowns on one of those off-brand 24-7 episodes? At this point, Floyd’s flunkies have the dope believing he’s Bill fuckin Cosby, even with his Carrot Top-without-the-props material and all the subtle comedic timing of a toilet seat. He’s yukking it up with these assholes at the bar every goddamn night in Vegas, and guess who’s picking up the heart attack-inducing tab every muthafuckin time? This guy is such the classic case of the rich athlete pissing all his money away waiting to happen that it will almost be anti-climactic when it actually does.
But while the unbridled joy of watching Floyd go flat broke is at least a few years away, the joy of watching him get an ass-whupping might be as soon as later tonight. I can’t fuckin wait. Hurry nightfall, hurry…