In what peep show mop-operator and best man Bubba Snodgrass has declared as, “The most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Mulligan’s Spew site designer Mad Stupid Jason Epstein and longtime boyfriend Deebo Ottombottom have blissfully consecrated their unholy union to become Mr. and Mrs. Epstein.
The wedding was held at the fabulous Town Dump, where guests feasted on a mouth-watering buffet of leftover garbage—providing they could outwit and outfight the seagulls.
Much to everyone’s dismay and revulsion, both Mad Stupid Jason and Deebo each chose to stroll down the aisle in dueling wedding gowns—although Jason’s was in reality a cardboard refrigerator box with holes for his head and arms torn out with his teeth, while Deebo’s dress consisted of an ingeniously-designed interlocking web of rotten banana peels.
After confusingly exchanging tearful vows in Klingon, the two began to violently kiss for over forty-five minutes as horrified onlookers began to slowly transform into an unruly mob. To avoid what would surely be dubbed by the national media as The Town Dump Riot, a boombox not unlike Radio Raheem’s was miraculously found and thankfully distracted the crowd until their fury subsided. The music also provided the most heart-warming moment of the nauseating evening, when Mad Stupid Jason’s elderly relatives all began spontaneously singing along to the revolting young couple’s wedding song: the romantic love ballad “Put It In Your Mouth.”
“Whether you choose to lick pussy or dicks,” The chorus of senile old bags-of-bones joyously sang. “People throughout the world man it’s your pick.”
And we all know what the Epstein’s picked.