If you thought the UFC’s new Reebok deal making ungodly sums of money for the company, while simultaneously preventing fighters much-needed outside sponsorships that can potentially decimate their paychecks was egregious, that has nothing on the latest chapter in the embarrassing CM Punk saga.
In the latest effort to ruin the credibility of an entire sport, cue ball potty mouth Dana White and the Mario Brothers of casinos, the Fertittas, have decided to not only allow Punk into the company to fight despite having less credentials than a ring card girl, they’ve decided to spoon-feed him a handpicked opponent as well. This shit is absolutely gut-wrenchingly fuckin pathetic.
So Punk, who barely has credibility to attend UFC events much less fight in them, has proven every MMA fan’s point that he has no business fighting the most elite competition on the planet by taking on some unknown, unworthy, yet aptly named shmoe named Mickey Gall. Can you imagine? They plucked this kid out of a landfill and told him he’s gonna battle a dude who used to pretend-fight in his underwear for a living. Gall’s big fight to determine the number-one contender to whup a delusional wannabe toughguy’s ass was against another novice, and the two men’s combined professional record going into the Battle of the Bums was muthafuckin 1-0. This was on a recent UFC card? An 0-0 scrub versus a 1-0 schlub? Goddamn disgusting.
And those two crumbs only got to the Big Dance because the UFC is desperate to find someone who’s actually shitty enough to lose to a 37 year-old with zero professional or amateur bouts or even sustained training to speak of. People that have compared this surefire horrorshow to Brock Lesnar’s foray into the UFC are forgetting Lesnar was the NCAA heavyweight wrestling champ in 2000, and not the kind of wrestling where you hit people over the head with steel chairs. Punk never even wrestled in high school, and is belt-less in all disciplines. What in the flying fuck is he thinking?
Evidently that he’s gonna get his ass kicked, because it’s been one long parade of “injuries” ever since he announced he had signed with the UFC in December 2014. The only thing I’ve even heard about his training is his injuries. That doesn’t seem like the most positive sign. Now this Gall kid finally wins the Punk sweepstakes and gives him his first set opponent ever and…he blows his back out. Yep, that’s the latest news from camp Punk. About five seconds after he finally had his first upcoming fight, Punk suddenly lived up to his wrestling moniker and immediately ruptured every disc in his spine in the nick of time to postpone his debut even further. Looks like all the training he’s been doing with real fighters might have given him a serious reality check about his own skills, or lack thereof. Now after over a year of delays for arguably the most highly-anticipated comeuppance since Bin Laden, the word around the campfire is Punk still wants to fight, “Sometime before the end of 2016.” Believe me, no he doesn’t.