It’s the easiest gripe in the world to make, but this weather sure sucks donkey balls lately, and by lately I mean for the last six goddamn frigid months.
Earlier this week, that bitch Mother nature teased us by dangling the prospect of truly nice weather over our heads with a few days of “Meh” weather that everyone lapped up (including yours truly) as damn near tropical just because we’ve been so starved for decent temperatures for so long. We’re like a battered wife happy because our husband only gave us one black eye. Well, now we’re getting the full Jake LaMotta treatment.
It’s been colder than a witch’s frosty box lately, and just when chicks were beginning to stop dressing like eskimos too. Now this weather has girls treating their titties like it’s Groundhog Day: the titties got one little peek and saw their shadows so now they’re going away for another six weeks. Fuck me running.
The last few months have been the most schizophrenic weather I’ve ever seen. You could literally be wearing sandals one day and snow boots the next. Why can’t the goddamn weather make up its mind already?
Don’t let my complete lack of education fool you, the truth is I’m not actually a world-renowned scientist, I’m actually universally-renowned. And according to the calculations I’m making up as I type this, all these temperature shenanigans are due to punk-ass Global Warming or Climate Change or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. What else could be responsible for such bizarre and constant flip-flopping?
Apparently until primates change, we’ll keep dealing with climate change.