With all the hate oxygen being justifiably sucked out of the room by a noxious orange cloud, unfortunately some of the presidential cabinet’s scummier selections have gone largely overlooked. Here’s two of the larger wads of scum scraped off the bottom of the barrel:
Keep Your Eye on the Balls – Determined to the death to continue his doomed worldwide humiliation tour like a political Michal Jackson (if only his tour ended the same way), direct descendent of the Beverly Hillbillies, Rex Tillerson, tracked oil-soaked footprints onto Jake Tapper’s show, aka “Morning Joe minus Mika.” One of the hot topics of discussion was the usual humdrum political machinations that beguile every Secretary of State: publicly calling the president they work for a “fuckin moron.” Now I was sure Tillerson had said it already, but after this Emmy Award-winning performance for best comedy, I’m positively convinced. All that really proves however is that Tillerson possesses an uncanny ability to make obvious observations. And his character was proven too when Tapper asked him three different times to clarify his accurate assessment of the Fake President, to which Tillerson refused to respond except to imply in his hound dog, baritone voice that it was somehow “beneath him” to answer. I guess because it was beneath him to lie. Which is somewhat admirable, because he’s too much of a man to lie, but then quickly contemptible, since he’s not man enough to admit the truth.
Then to really class things up, after Till box was asked about being referred to by Trump foil senator Bob Corker as “publicly castrated” by Trump’s ceaseless political undercutting, he unzipped his fly and let two flesh colored boulders rudely flop out onto the table, spilling Tapper’s mug and sending him into a frenzied commercial break. And wow, based on the abundance of evidence I’ll say assumptions of his supposed castration were greatly exaggerated. After taking a gander at those puppies, I’d say you’d need a chainsaw for that job.
General Disa-spray – One of the supposed “grown-ups” we keep hearing about minding the Fake President like keepers in a zoo—which is a marvelous position for the country to be trapped in by the way—General James “Puddles” Mattis, testified before the senate about the his mongoloid boss’s deranged desire to sink the Iran nuclear deal, against the advice of literally everyone on the planet except for maybe the cockroaches. While Mattis took about ten minutes to compose himself enough to slobber out an overly complicated response like “Yes” to the simple question of if the United States should remain in the deal, likely due to the Trumpian temper tantrum such an admission of a pesky thing like reality would undoubtedly incur, he was awful damn tough to take seriously with that cartoonish lisp of his. The senators on the front row needed raincoats. It was like being at a Gallagher show. You’d need an umbrella just to interview this fuckin guy. Forget asking about Iran, if any senator was brave enough for the flood of saliva that would surely follow, their first question should have been, “Can you say ‘sufferin’ succotash?'”