Most TV shows are a complete waste of time to even bother watching, and the following are no exception, but if you don’t have computer access and you must kill a half-hour or so for some reason, I’ve listed three programs in the descending order in which they need to be avoided. I don’t want to say that makes me a hero, but it clearly makes me a hero.
The Good: “Bar Rescue” – This show has all the hallmarks of being a bag of shit, but it’s actually a bag of manure. Or maybe fertilizer. The point is, this John Taffer dude is like King of all the Bar Guys and he rolls around to all sorts of pissholes and dive bars to scream at everybody then spend like a zillion dollars fixing their shit up. It’s the same formula every time, but it’s entertaining as hell. It’s usually the same problems too: one of the bosses is terrible at their job but can’t be fired for some reason, and the cleanliness of the place is like if the bathroom attendant at the bar from Desperado became the owner. It has the same douchey overblown antics and infinitely re-usable sound effects of every reality show, but it’s definitely much better than most.
The Bad: “Key and Peele” – It’s so annoying when I have to sit through this second-rate slop while waiting for something that’s actually good to come on Comedy Central. Those two dudes make Gene Wilder from Silver Streak look like Avon Barksdale. They need to re-name it “The Fake Black Guy Variety Hour.” Oh, I know it’s only a half hour, but it definitely seems longer when you watch it. With all of the absolutely phenomenal shows that Comedy Central cancels every five seconds lately (The Sarah Silverman Program, Sports Show with Norm MacDonald, Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time, Important Things with Demetri Martin) why is this lukewarm piss still even on the air? It’s not terrible, but it’s mediocre at best, and insipidly tedious at worst.
The Ugly: “Ridiculousness” – One of the worst abominations on TV, an absolute trainwreck every episode, and another show that should clearly be renamed “Awkward Lamefest”. This program’s idea of entertainment is to have irritating skate douche Rob Dyrdek display his particularly unfunny brand of alleged comedy and wooden hosting abilities with a couch full of equally humorless nincompoops. There’s two co-hosts: some DJ running the videos for unknown reasons and a cute blonde chick who giggles like a retarded chipmunk at anything to make these doofus’s (doofi?) seem funnier than they actually are. This girl seems to find literally everything funny. She would laugh at a beheading video. Then of course there’s always some guest to join in the hilarity (aka the lumbering and repeatedly botched attempts at humor) who is invariably never a comedian. God forbid they have someone who’s actually funny on that yawn-a-thon; instead it’s like Tosh.0 without the jokes. If you haven’t seen the show, imagine getting trapped in a room full of awful amateur comedians clicking on random stupid YouTube videos. There, now you’ve seen it.