“I consider them to be symbols, and I leave symbols to the symbol-minded.” -George Carlin on flags
“I pledge allegiance to the flag, Michael Jackson is a fag” -early nineties proverb
Well looks like I’m watching the NFL again after all.
I hadn’t even bothered to watch highlights of the season thus far, and I wasn’t missing it one iota. I barely even remembered it’s on. But then fake president Cunt had to stick his big ugly mug into the league with a condemnation and presto, I’m back to being a diehard fan. Anything anti-Trump has got my full support.
Obviously still reeling from the MAGA hat holocaust following his dastardly DACA decision, Cunt was left scrambling to wrangle the rubes from leaping off his bandwagon in droves. Slyly, Fuckface got back into his base’s racist graces with some good old-fashioned denouncing of black people. Providing his filthy supporters with their daily dosage of anti-brown rhetoric is the only way to placate the unwashed masses. And just wait until they start to become restless about the lack of economic growth Trump promised. I wonder who’s fault he’ll say that is? He’s so notorious for admitting mistakes and taking blame after all.
So the Orange Plague traveled to Alabama of all godforsaken places to shill for an eventual losing candidate (more on that in the next Spew) and inexplicably brought up Colin Kaepernick’s year-old protest against racial injustice. Because that’s top priority in an Alabama senate primary.
Total lack of relevance notwithstanding, Trump’s unprovoked diatribe did provide him with the opportunity to sound his trusty racist dog whistle, by basically telling the “owners” of the players to essentially get their niggers, charmingly referred to as “sons of bitches”, in line. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen any president’s speech bleeped on TV by the way. Lost in the racial hoopla was Trump’s equally monstrously ignorant comments about the NFL and concussions, which drew thunderous Alabamaian applause, since everyone living in that state already suffers from traumatic brain injuries as it is.
But being racist isn’t any fun if you can’t be nationalistic as well. Just to give himself and his Trumpster fires an excuse to pretend they’re not white supremacist scum, Cunt is claiming his outrage over the protest is not about uppity blacks, but rather the disrespect shown to the flag, and therefore the troops and country as a whole. Right. And these same hillbillies frothing hatred of Obama was all about taxes. But it makes sense Trump would be upset. After all, his boundless pride for the nation’s military is such that he received five deferments from Vietnam for a hurt pinky toe.
Like the concept of indoor plumbing or incest, it’s pointless to try and explain to southerners that the NFL protests are quintessentially American. Freedom of speech is the first fuckin amendment, and I don’t remember reading any amendment about standing for some stupid piece of cloth. Freedom of speech is also why people like the Charlottesville dickheads had the right for their little white supremacist march. And by the fuckin way, if Cunt’s so worried about disrespecting the American flag, where was his anger at their waving Nazi and Confederate flags all over the fuckin place? There’s nothing more disrespectful or disgusting to Old Glory than that, but that still doesn’t make it illegal.
But taking a knee ought to be according to Trump’s Kentucky-fried following. This so-called controversy has got so much sand in their vaginas they need a lifeguard as a gynecologist. The moonshine-swilling retards don’t seem to realize that Kaepernick, who should only be half-upset about discrimination anyway, only took a knee in the first place to make sure he didn’t unintentionally disrespect the flag. After initially sitting during the national anthem last season he decided to kneel instead, the same way he’d kneel for an injured player. This was his way to represent his feelings that American idealism was injured too. Hokey and self-righteous to be sure, but it’s hardly a fuckin Hanoi Jane situation.
Which is probably why Trump didn’t say shit about it til his cult followers flipped their lids and started dousing them with gasoline. Now he’s conveniently outraged. Almost as convenient as the chance for the entire NFL to give him one big “fuck you” after another with unprecedented league-wide protests that weekend. Every single team protested in some form or fashion, mostly with a confusing combination of either kneeling or locking arms. I wonder what the fuck’s the difference though? Just so long as they’re protesting Trump, I don’t care if they Walk Like an Egyptian. You could have a whole team doing the Macarena and I wouldn’t give a shit.
The lamest form of protest of course came from a few NFL owners, who actually deigned to leave their luxury boxes and risk grass stains to their ten thousand dollar slacks to kneel with their players, in one of the phoniest examples of solidarity ever witnessed. If the owners really want to show team unity how about they return the opening kickoff? Those old meiser billionaires don’t give a fuck about racial injustice. They know a team with no blacks makes no green.
And speaking of green, a lot of the ire directed the players way has ostensibly been over their exorbitant salaries. In a bout of masochism, I tortured myself by watching Republicn deepthroat champion Sean Hannity for ten minutes before projectile vomiting, and was flabbergasted by his fantasy-land NFL stats. The lying swine actually claimed that the average NFL salary is $2.44 million. Meanwhile even the laziest of fact checkers would discover that the average rookie salary is actually 325 thousand, there’s no guaranteed contracts, and the average NFL career spans about three years. Not to mention the lovely parting gift of brain damage retired players receive in lieu of a gold watch. What a bunch of rich, spoiled assholes right?
Oh by the way, speaking of rich spoiled assholes, a day or so after his Alabama grammar, Trump hosted a fundraising dinner in NYC at Le Cirque—one of the most pretentious and ungodly overpriced restaurants on earth—where couples could spend a mere 250 thousand dollars to get a table with the president. It was the kid’s table sure, but that’s still a helluva deal. And this from the self-proclaimed champion of the working man. Are you fuckin kidding me?
Now a handful of meth heads and klansmen are threatening to boycott the NFL. Good. More tickets for normal people. Those toothless hicks can stick to NASCAR. Sure enough, the least athletic “sport” ever conceived wasted no time in reaffirming every stereotype about them in the following days, with some supposedly famous asshole former driver Tom Petty or whoever (and I used to love his music) even going so far as saying the NFL protestors should leave the country. I guess that’s his thinly-veiled way of telling them to go back to Africa.
The truth is the southerners are the ones who should leave. Let’s face it, the south is not a part of America. Not really. They can’t even spell “America.” After we whupped their ass for trying to secede in the Civil War we should have kicked them out for good. Like, you can’t quit, you’re fired. Because now here we are a fuckin century and-a-half later, and for all intents and purposes, we’re still two separate countries. Ever since 1865 we’ve just been pretending to masquerade as one. And the country that wants to live under a dictator, with no freedom of speech, no freedom of religion, no immigration, no women’s rights, and no gay rights, and oh yeah, actually fought to secede from this great nation is certainly not America. They want a wall so bad? Build one along the Mason-Dixon. Then come back in five years and the north will have flying cars while the south will be back in the Stone Age.
It’s obvious Trump’s supporters hate brown more than they love red, white, and blue.