The Dunk Contest, or The Jammies, at long last returned to relevance last night after a several-year hiatus from anyone caring, after witnessing the leaping handiwork of Avril’s little brother Zach LaVine. His swooping, twisting, effortlessness was indeed impressive, but made infinitely less so after I had literally just watched him perform those exact same dunks moments earlier.
Confused by the parade on nobodies they showed on screen as participants, a dopey friend of mine suggested I check out LaVine’s aerial exploits on YouTube. Sure enough, the first video that popped up was him doing pretty much the same routine in high school. I guess he figured, if it’s good enough to win at Cooley High, it’s good enough anywhere. Seeing a live instant replay minutes later took considerable shine off the otherwise spectacular performance, but it was still the best Dunk Contest I’ve seen in a good five years. If LaVine doesn’t pull a Mayweeather and duck defending his title, next year’s contest will be the most highly-anticipated in recent memory. And next year, no YouTube til after it’s over.
The other big story concerning the Annual Dunkathon wasn’t anybody else besides LaVine’s repertoire, because they all sucked some hairy elephantitis balls, but that LeBroad James has finally announced his plans to be the ultimate pussy and never participate. At least that’s better than when he announced he was actually going to enter and then disappeared like he does in crunchtime when the contest actually came.
His refusal to enter is the biggest disappointment in the contest’s history, not so much now that he’s a borderline old-ass nigga like myself, but when he was in his prime and would have likely put together an all-time great performance. Honestly, his reluctance has single-handedly undermined the entire contest for the league’s stars. No wonder it’s a Who’s Who list of nobodies every year. So yeah, LaVine’s dunks were ill if not unoriginal, but who the fuck is Zach LaVine? It was a good dunk contest for this mediocre era, but it wasn’t exactly Jordan vs. Dominique.