“I got the mouth on a statue, nigga.” -random black guy on The Sopranos, moments before being shot
Predictably, and like everything else these days, the noble statue removal business has bogged down into a battle between Left vs. Right, and as usual, the Right remains in the wrong, albeit only slightly. Now instead of an obvious demonstration of pure racism, the Charlottesville Ass Crack Festival (its official name) is being considered by sympathizers as some sort of brave act of historical preservation. Fuckin please. I guess all the swastikas and Klan hoods and anti-Semitic chants were just added bonuses. It was like the Smithsonian down there.
Now the dreaded “slippery slope” argument is rearing its slimy head, as thinly-disguised racists are bemoaning the granite hit list that every one of their precious racist monuments is now on. It’s like a slasher film to these fucks. Which poor statue is going to get chopped down next?
Right away closeted Klan members temporarily discarded their robes long enough to whip themselves into a frenzy over the now impending future destruction of all Washington and Jefferson monuments as examples of where such unbridled statue-mania will lead us. Well I for one know a world where there are less stupid million-pound sculptures is a world I don’t want to live in. Who gives a fuck really? And to compare legal slave owners with the traitors who took up arms against the United States to preserve slavery is almost as drop-dead retarded as comparing Nazis with Nazi protestors. But what sack of rotted cunts would do that?
Either way, such silly arguments do more than just miss the point, they deliberately obscure it. Preserving the sanctity of historical monuments isn’t the fuckin issue here. Racist assholes having their little Linus blankets snatched away from them is really what they’re so pissed about. I’m sure if Lefties started taking down statues of Martin Luther King all those guys with the Nazi armbands would be just as outraged. Nigga please.
The phony president was quick to take up this distracting culture war argument as well, clumsily and witlessly informing no one when he defiantly reminded, “What about Jefferson, you like him? He was a major slave owner.” As opposed to minor, you fuckin disgrace to the Clinton cum stains in the Lincoln bedroom? Now the Right has their new plan of black attack: ignore the overwhelmingly obvious racist implications of their objections and pretend they’re a buncha fuckin history professors instead. And the worst thing is like I’ve previously stated, the Right isn’t entirely wrong on this one. I guarantee whiny liberal twats will want to start bulldozing every statue that isn’t a certifiable tranny or some nonsense, and happens to be something horrible like a plain ol’ white man. Fuckin ridiculous. Just when one of these two douche-filled sides accidentally starts making sense, they immediately push things way too far to appease their most fanatical followers. And normal people are standing in the middle of this foolishness wondering how in the fuck some hunks of marble became such political lightning rods.
Sure enough, I turn on my girl Amy for some Goodman times in the form of yesterday’s news this morning and what do I see? Some group of hoppers in Baltimore evidently took a break from ducking Omar long enough to take a sledge hammer to a Columbus statue. I guess when your city is doing as well as a Shangri-la like B-more, you can afford to focus on more trivial matters.
And this by the way is exactly why people hate liberals, and precisely what history buffs on the Right warned about. Now all Columbus statues are gonna get replaced by cigar store Indians. And no matter where you fall on the political spectrum, be it the Lunatic Left, Rabid right, or Marginalized Middle, ask yourself, is dragging a buncha drunken featherheads into this mess really going to help matters? Let’s keep this issue in plain black-and-white. Otherwise the next thing you know even useless inhuman groups like robots, or worse, Asians, will start complaining. Then what? Animals? Plants? Where does the madness end?