Spark Your Territory

Maybe now Puerto Ricans will finally trade in their mariachi music for the star spangled banner.

After mediocre success pleading for American help, maybe now Puerto Ricans will finally trade in their mariachi music for the good ol’ star spangled banner.


The worst case of Puerto Rican destruction since The Jets and The Sharks occurred in Mother Nature’s apparent never-ending quest to beat climate deniers over the head with reality.  Not to mention beat them over the head with raindrops. But instead of hick factories and white trash heaps like Texas and Florida this time the poor little island of Puerto Rico got severely Hurricane Carter’d.  The storm was so devastating that two weeks later 90 percent of the island was still without power, which is up drastically from the usual 87 percent.

Now of course we’ve got Big Pun’s peeps both on the island and in the United States whining for American help, which is going to be no bueno for them with a white supremacist and nationalist in the White House.  Sheeeit, on the heels of Texas and Florida’s windy bar tabs it would be tough with a Puerto Rican in the White House.  Even a president Trinidad would recognize that the third time is definitely not the charm for state-sized insurance claims.

Because not only are Puerto Ricans cursed with Freddie Prinze-style unlucky timing, they also have two traits this particular administration can’t tolerate: they’re not white obviously, but equally detrimental to their cause is they’re not American, despite what some geographically-challenged folks would have you believe.  Whenever I hear left-wing reporters bemoan the fact that our “fellow Americans” need help I become Hurricane Mulligan to my living room.  Puerto Rico is neither fish nor fowl but rather a smelly “territory”, which means they’re not a real part of America because they have very specifically voted to basically have their statehood and eat it too over the years, mostly to avoid paying federal tax but enjoy federal protection.  Well now they know you get what you pay for.

Maybe the next time the issue of becoming the 51st state comes up, the dummies will have wrung out the island and dried off enough voting booths to go vote “Si.”  I know I’d support them wholeheartedly.  Not because I give a runny Taco Bell shit about hurricane relief, but because a state full of Puerto Ricans is guaranteed to be two things: the new stabbing capitol of the United States, and even more assuredly, baby muthafuckin Blue.  Which is one more state for the good guys.


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