Now that the shock of Ronda Rousey’s knockout loss to Holly Holm a few weeks back has finally worn off sufficiently, I have a plethora of typically expert opinions to share with the stupefied. Those include:
Gay Per View – One of the worst aspects of Ronda’s loss was how incredibly difficult Verizon made it for me to have the pleasure of seeing one of my favorite fighters get savagely knocked unconscious. This fuckin company stinks. I spoke to three different representatives, aka phone monkeys, when some error message popped up on the screen when I tried to order it, and each hapless moron was as useless as the last. Finally some dickface tells me not to worry and the PPV will be on in a few minutes—this is over an hour into it by the way—and when I called back the fuckin office was closed. So now fuckin what? Well, thanks to the power of the inter tubes, I was able to type in, “How to order Rousey-Holm” and finally figured out I could do it on my PS4, which I promptly did for twenty bucks cheaper than what those PPV asscracks wanted. Then my joy was swiftly shattered along with Roussey’s aura of invincibility not too long after.
Fade-y Gaga – Obviously desperate to have the public at large or even her deranged former fanbase recall her existence, Lady Cuntface was quick to jump on the alarmingly hard-charging anti-Ronda bandwagon that seemingly sprung up overnight. According to several sources, the filthy talentless garbage pail was one of the first so-called celebrities who took to the Twatterverse to voice her glee with Ronda’s defeat. And although I heard she said something derogatory about Ronda, I have no clue what it actually was because who gives a fuck about Lady Hoo-ha enough to actually find out?
Big Steaming Trump – Proving his campaign is as fraudulent as the wispy orange mane on top of his pumpkin-sized head, Donald Trump too felt the need to share his opinions on Ronda’s defeat in typically assholish fashion. Meanwhile the fuckin Paris terrorist attacks had just occurred the day before, and this is what the fuck’s on Trump’s mind? Is this man running for president or the media’s court jester?
Musical Queers – One thing about the fight struck me that I haven’t heard anyone mention is that of all songs they played “Mama Said Knock You Out” over the loudspeaker minutes after the fight’s conclusion, which is not only a little classless, but who the fuck cued up that song? Ronda’s apparently got some real enemies in the UFC music booth. I’ve never seen such blatant and unnecessary disrespect to a fighter who just got KO’d, let alone one of Ronda’s caliber, fame, and stature in the sport. Shit was wacker than Ronda’s gameplan.
Holy Holly – The best part of Holm’s victory, other than she deserves it as a true classy competitor, ideal torch-taker, and the new standard bearer for women’s MMA, is that she didn’t thank god in her post-fight interview. Not even once. And this is a preacher’s daughter mind you. One of the most disturbing things about in-ring post-fight press conferences is the obligatory shout outs to invisible deities that always sinks my affection for the fighters. I wouldn’t even have minded it from Holm given her background, but was pleasantly surprised by her leaving out all the Jesus mumbo jumbo. Now if only all the other victorious fighters would follow suit…
Two Fatal Flaws – There’s been a lot of talk about how exactly this colossal upset unfolded, but I believe it comes down to two basic things: cockiness and coaching. Ronda’s last three fights lasted 64 seconds combined. There’s no way that doesn’t swell a fighter’s confidence—perhaps to dangerous levels. Also Ronda was so successful fighting her particular style that she never really trained for specific opponents as much as she just trained to do what she always did. Meanwhile, Holm was specifically studying and training for Ronda for years like Clubber Lang. Ronda even announced her plans to take time off from the UFC after the Holm fight to film another movie before returning next summer. If that doesn’t tell you she was looking past Holm, what does? You can bet your ass Holly was training for this like it was the biggest fight of her life, not just another easy victory before heading to Hollywood for a few months.
Because she had never needed one in the past, Rousey clearly had no Plan B when the fight wasn’t going her way, her only plan was to turn up her normal aggressiveness, which resulted in her fighting way too emotionally and recklessly. She was charging after Holm instead of cutting off the cage, and as her ineffective swarm soon became a chase she became exhausted about midway through the first. After that she was a sitting duck, although she has a helluva chin—most girls would not have made it out of the first round with some of the lefts Holm was landing. And Holm fought the perfect gameplan; it was T.J. Dillashaw vs. Renan Barao-esque, only even more impressive. Holm deserves much more credit for her masterful performance than Rousey deserves blame for distractions and predictable tactics.
One reason Ronda’s gameplan can’t be called that much into question is that it was designed by her coaches, and it’s clear that she needs to seriously expand her training. Her stand-up got exposed as mediocre against one of the most elite strikers in MMA, and why wouldn’t it? She’s literally had the exact same striking coach since her first day of training. That might show loyalty, but it’s not going to get you to the next level that you need to evolve as a fighter. As far as that goes, Ronda’s been stagnant. I’ve still never seen her even throw a kick, not even a leg kick and not even in training. Her hands have unquestionably improved over the years, but she basically still has the exact same basic stand-up game she had five years ago in Strike Force, and that’s just not going to cut it any more. She needs to take her ass to Holland or Thailand and train with some elite kickboxers and Muay Thai fighters, because if she doesn’t improve her stand-up skills, she’s going to be at a serious—and maybe insurmountable—disadvantage against Holm again.
Retirement or Redemption? – Therein lies the question though, will Ronda even fight Holly Holm again? Will she just retire, or will she come back to avenge her defeat? I personally hope she comes back, beats Holm, then triumphs again in the rubber match before riding off into the sunset of retirement at age 30, as she’s often expressed is her desire to do anyway. At 28, that’s certainly a feasible possibility. Although I couldn’t entirely fault her for walking away now, I don’t think she’s the type of fighter who could go out on a loss like that. Just like any great former champion, I’m not sure whether or not Rousey can take back her title, but I’m damn near positive she’s at least gonna try.