Paint By Dumbers

Pat Riley

Investigators are still baffled as to who painted “Nigger” on LeBron’s front gate. Equally perplexing is the “Pat Riley Was Here” painted on the back gate.


In perhaps the oddest choice of re-decorating in “Better Homes and Gardens” history, it appears LeBroad James has decided to spray paint the word “Nigger” all over his property.  Bob Villa and the “This Old House” crew must have been taken aback at such odd directions.  Oh, what’s that?  Some white supremacist fuckface vandalized LeBron’s house?  Well, I’m sure we can all be confident who the aspiring artist voted for.  My money’s on Jill Stein.

Over the past few months, there’s been an explosion of hate crimes across the country for some odd reason.  Remember all those Jewish cemeteries getting ransacked a few months back?  And fixing headstones isn’t cheap either.  Fuck desecration, that’s really hitting a Jew where it hurts.  After that grossness there’s been a steady stream of Trumpster fires igniting everywhere, mostly resulting in some brainwashed cracker murking a fuckin Indian or Pakistani guy.  I swear, it seems that out of all the recent so-called Muslim attacks, it’s been about ninety percent Apu’s and only ten percent Aqmed’s.  Fuckin hillbillies can’t even get hate crimes right.

A week or two ago I was treated to the vile spectacle of the largest white power rally I’ve ever seen in my life by far.  It looked like “Birth of a Nation” out there.  It seems the state of Texas, or Louisiana, or somewhere else where sheep are considered acceptable prom dates, is removing their last few Confederate statues in timely fashion, which of course, rankles the rubes to no end.  So the bunch of Cletus’ brilliant response was to fill a field with cracker assholes carrying, of all menacing things, goddamn Tiki torches.  Super lame.  Doesn’t have quite the same effect as the old school Frankenstein-style torches, does it?  This is like the white trash version.  I’m surprised they didn’t hold up their Zippos.

A few days after LeBron’s unwanted house decoration, in an unrelated incident a second noose was found on the site of a black history museum in a week.  The first noose was hanging from a tree (real subtle message there), and the second was placed inside the building, ironically next to a “Segregation” exhibit.  So at least hatred of other races hasn’t dulled the guy’s sense of humor.

Then a day or three ago two people were stabbed to death by a frothing-at-the-mouth racist when they objected to his treatment of two Muslim women who were wearing hijabs.  First of all, what have I been saying about Muslim broads wearing those stupid-ass couch doilies on their heads?  You’re in America now dummy, take that medeival repressive shit off.  Secondly, I was glad to see the families of the victims must have been heartened by the murderer’s compassionate display of remorse as he entered court bellowing, “Death to America’s enemies!” and “You call it terrorism, I call it patriotism!”  Another Stein voter I’ll bet

Never before in the modern era have white nationalists, christian supremacists, neo-Nazis, and even members of the dreaded Anti-Cooties Movement flown their sinister flags so publicly.  Their nineteenth century attitudes seem to say, “Move over president Nigger, we’ve got president White Man in there now, and it’s a nice day for a white wedding.  A white power wedding that is.”

The toxic combination of Trump’s bizarre candidacy, hate-filled horrorshow of a campaign, and then of course Putin gifting him an illegitimate presidency, have got these Derek Vineyard wannabe’s finally feeling brave enough to publicly crawl out from under their rocks and formally side with a traitor to America, just because he loathes brown people as much as they do.  Looks like the dog whistle Trump sounded with that birther bullshit back in 2011 has paid dividends, after all.

If only that dog would get splattered by a semi.

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