Sports talk shows are really starting to get on my nerves lately. You couldn’t turn on the TV this week without hearing the same repetitive and recycled hogwash concerning a couple of lukewarm topics in sports. Washington Fuck You Indians head coach Mike Shanahan has inexplicably benched his franchise QB RGIII, the MLB is girlishly trying to implement a rule banning catcher’s from blocking home plate, and Tom Brady’s wife Giselle recently had a horrifying photo snapped of her in mid breast-feed. No matter how many times I hear these “fascinating” issues examined, it always boils down to a few basic and clear things. There’s not really a lot of room for interpretation here. Instead of devoting endless panel discussions to these subjects, all three can easily be summarized in just one simple sentence. So here goes:
RGIII n Shanahan – This is an obvious attempt by an overrated and doomed head coach to throw an underhanded hissy fit and send a hearty and heartfelt “Fuck you” to both his team’s hapless dickhead owner and fragile sophomore-slumping superstar as he slinks out of the back door into retirement.
Baseball Pussin Out – Astonishingly, the most boring of all four major team sports has figured out a way to cram even more yawns into their snooze festivals by faggishly eliminating the one play that may result in physical contact.
Giselle’s Titties – Let me answer brainless talking head hosts everywhere by explaining that the only “message this photo sends” is providing a visual aid for how to shut your kid up when you’re in the middle of doing mad shit.
Glad we got that settled. Now we can get back to last night’s goddamn scores…