Since I frequent only the finest of dining establishments, I was standing in the line at Subway today watching a ninety year-old lady slowly cobble my sandwich together, when some chick got behind me and proceeded to babble an incomprehensible gobbledygook of a language to another old bag employee. After a few seconds of mutual incomprehension between the two, the would-be customer waved the old broad away in frustration while asking for a Spanish-speaking sandwich technician. Some Puerto Ricany chick was quickly summoned, and the two commenced to spitting rapid-fire gibberish at eachother as I stared in amazement.
What kind of retarded shit is that? That’s like me going to Mexico and strolling into, I’m just assuming, one of their infinite taco bells and demanding that someone better speak English. Listen toots, if you’re going to live in a foreign country, learn the fuckin language. It’s enraging how America continues to bend over backwards to make the country so espanol-friendly. Besides being staunchly anti-beret, do you know why I’d rather vacation to Ireland or Australia or England than France? Because I don’t speak friggin French. If you can’t speak, read, or write in the native language, even visiting a foreign land would be essentially pointless, so why would decide to live there if you’re not going to bother to learn it?
Learning English ain’t not easy, but then why does every other immigrant group manage to do it? How many boopy beeped-voiced Apu’s or W-substituting-for-R delivery men have you heard struggle through our beloved language, often with hilariously predictable results? Why do they have to assimilate and learn English but people who speak taco get to keep their cruddy tongue?
We need to institute a new policy at the border. If you can’t even explain why you want to become a citizen in the language of the land you’re attempting to enter, than no way José. No immigration without communication.