That familiar scent wafting through the air is indeed another of my famous Knowledge casseroles. Go grab a plate and I’ll dollup out as much as you can consume:
Kanye Worst – Since I’m not a prepubescent girl, I obviously didn’t watch the gay-ass MTV awards last month so I didn’t hear about human dildo Kanye West’s typically hateable acceptance speech. Evidently the King of the Douchebags rambled on for thirteen embarrassing and excruciating minutes after winning the coveted title of “Final Nail In Hip Hop’s Coffin.” If ever there was a need for an Oscars-style musical cue to wrap shit up, it was then. Finally Kanye concluded his incoherent, self-aggrandizing, verbal diarrhea by announcing a presidential run in 2020—and he was serious. Then even worse the fuckin place cheered. Luckily none of those shrieking eleven year-olds will even be old enough to vote in 2020, but first Trump and now this? Remember the days when running for president was actually dignified?
Public Display of Infection – They need to ban public canoodling for seniors. I had the horrifying misfortune to have my eyes and ears assaulted by a disturbing sight the other night at dinner, as two wrinkly old farts were behaving like a couple of junior high kids at the movies. It was ridiculous, and also not the ideal sight when I’m trying to eat. Listen gramps, take Barbara Bush there with you to your mothball-smelling bedroom and bump withered uglies til the cows come home…but tone down the lovefest in public. It’s not cute, it’s nauseating.
Rice Rockets – With Stephen Colbert stepping down from the “Colbert Report” to enter the fray of the Late Night Wars, the best show on TV is probably “Last Week Tonight” with former Report correspondent and loveable limey, John Oliver. The last episode they had a typically amusing piece about everyone’s favorite lighthearted topic, Islamic terrorists. Apparently, and bizarrely, those rug-riders have traded in their magic carpets for almost exclusively Toyota-brand cars and trucks. First off, what the fuck did you think they were gonna do, buy American? And secondly, staying away from American cars is the only thing those Jihadist assholes have done that I actually completely agree with. After all, you don’t wanna break down on your way to a holy war.
Beat on the Fat – Would someone please explain to me who in the hell Daniela “Clip Invade” Andrade blew in the YouTube headquarters? This talentless dumpy bitch is invading and ruining my own personal clip show like every two seconds lately. I’m trying to listen to The Ramones greatest hits and fuckin Alex Borstein’s little sister keeps interrupting to caterwaul her horrendousness, as YouTube reminds the breathless masses who her dumb ass even is, and that her stupid awful album is coming out or whatever. How in the flying fuckaroo did she win such a promotional sweepstakes? And even more importantly, why the fuck do I wanna see her chubby little face when I’m trying to hear The KKK Took My Baby Away?