Kicker…and Puncher

Brown's latest wife-beating incident started with a fight over the hair dryer.

Brown’s latest wife-beating incident started with a fight over the hair dryer.


Geez, even kickers now.  The scourge of lovable wife-beating athletes everywhere Ray “Mr. Romance” Rice has struck again, and the NFL has to pretend to be outraged by another one of the league’s endless incidents.  The latest kerfuffle has got to be the mildest of all though, judging by the fact that two females were involved.  The Fuckville Fucks (actual team name) kicker, Josh “Don’t Treat Me Like I’m” Brown has become the latest victim in a truly tragic tale of reverse domestic violence.  It seems his wife (I’m just assuming, he is white after all) made the unthinkable error of serving meatloaf at room temperature, and was swiftly and soundly thrashed.  Evidently his “Tit for tat” argument did not go over well with police, and he was thrown in the pokey for the night.  Alls well that ends well, right?

Wrong.  Brown forgot that wife-beating is almost as despicable as deflating footballs, and since he’s not a star, and was of no real value anyway because of his position, he was nobly fired by the NFL.  Remember by the way just a few seasons ago Rice got a two-game suspension even after Goodell already watched his knockout highlight reel.  Wonder what changed?

There’s many ways to look at this.  First off, have you ever had lukewarm meatloaf?  It’s awful.  Secondly, while we can all agree that spousal abuse is certainly a frown-uponable offense, is there really any cause to fire anybody over it?  I mean, what the fuck’s the connection there?  Did he hit her over the head with his helmet?  And how the fuck is firing the guy supposed to make his wife’s life any easier?  Now he’s pissed and sitting around the house all day?  She better learn how to duck.

This is just overboard.  Now the commissioner of the league of a thousand wife-beaters is suddenly Sir Lancelot.  We don’t even know what happened here.  Was this some Ike Turner shit, or just a loud argument that some asshole nosey neighbor called the cops over?  Domestic violence is such an ironically broad term.  We don’t know their relationship.  They could be one of those couples that yell and fight all the time then make up ten minutes later.  I just don’t see why what goes on in people’s personal lives has the ability to affect their employment.  It’s not like he beat her in the stands.

Funny thing is, Rice and his girl are still together.  The dumb bitch even married his heinous ass.  So once again, you never know what’s going on behind other people’s closed doors, and shouldn’t speculate.  The Browns could be sitting together watching this unfold on TV right now, sipping wine and laughing together.

Then she’ll spill some on the couch and get severely beaten.


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