Hate Farm

Those aren't muscles, Aaron Rogers is just pumped full of jizz.

Those aren’t muscles, Aaron Rogers is just pumped full of jizz.


If you looked up the definition of “buyer’s remorse” in the dictionary you’d probably see the State Farm logo, because if you looked up “shitty commercial” in the same dictionary you’d definitely see the same symbol.  They’re currently paying Aaron Rogers to be the worst spokesman in all of sports.  A cigar store Indian has more personality than this guy.  State Farm would be better off just using his cardboard cutout to add pizazz.

We all remember how this god-awful ad campaign started.  Reported fruitbowl Rogers took his beloved Fudge Packers to a yawn of a Super Bowl win, and suddenly the insurance company was ironically bum-rushing the NFL’s supposed new Golden Boy to hock their slop.  Problem is he hasn’t won jack shit since, and his acting skills have stayed as stagnant as his playoff record.  Still, State Farm keeps subjecting the public to one of his putrid commercials after another.

After a string of absolutely appaling piles of dog mess, this latest ad is the comedic equivelent of fingernails on a blackboard.  Those cliched Chicago Bears guys were unfunny, but this Hanz and Franz garbage takes unfunny to an unprecedented and dangerous new level.  State Farm must have put up a boatload of other people’s hard-earned dough to make Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon prostitute themselves with this horrific retread of a twenty year-old SNL skit that was never that funny in the first place.  They should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.  I can just picture them both wincing and diving for the remote whenever the ad comes on, followed by taking crying showers in the fetal position.

We all knew the gay marriage of two hateable things like an insurance company and an overrated QB with questionable sexual preferences could have dire consequences, but I don’t think anyone was prepared for the parade of stink bomb commercials we’ve had to suffer through.  I’d rather watch a beheading video with a State Farm logo in the corner than another one of Rogers’ abominations.  You would think he would be a better actor; don’t gay guys love the theater?





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