“And now our idea was to get in between the two racing boats,The Gretel and The Intrepid, in the moonlight. The drugs began to take hold, and I could see streaks of red in the water—weird flashes like the moon makes, but they had turned red in the water. The moon was crystal clear—white—and it was making jagged things in the water, like jack knives. And I had these two spray cans and I was going to write ‘Fuck the Pope’ so that in the morning nobody would know the words were there until the boats came out into the harbor and suddenly everyone could read it. That was the idea. That was a story.” -Hunter S. Thompson
I’m so fuckin sick of hearing about this new shitty back-up Pope’s so-called moderate stances and telling-people-what-they-want-to-hear gibberish he’s been spouting ever since the last guy Nixon’d himself out of office. It’s such an obvious and transparent ploy to re-gain parishioners after Pope Nixon high-tailed it outta there when documents surfaced exposing his previous job as essentially Pope John Paul II’s consiglieri responsible for covering up thousands upon thousands of pedophilia accusations. Now here comes Pope 2.0 to right the wrongs of the most disgusting and despicable organization on the planet. This used car salesman of a Pope is just selling people rotten lemons to try and infiltrate the public’s trust. Maybe some of the dopes out there are buying his Trojan Condom Horse routine, but It’s not fooling me for a second. This Pope Bigmouth the First just says happy horseshit to make people forget what an abominable cult he’s in charge of, and then the media eagerly parrots his shrewd drivel back to the masses like it’s gospel—no pun intended.
The King of the Pedophiles made news yesterday when he denounced trickle down economics as, “Pretty weak,” and even went so far as to call the Godfather of that trickle down piss Ronald Reagan, “A senile old sack of shit,” before concluding his press conference by saying, “Now if you”ll excuse me I have a young boy to go molest.”
Look, I appreciate the man’s honesty, but let’s not forget who has elected themselves the moral authority of the universe for just a second. Two Popes ago, on March 12, 2000 (and since you’re obviously on the computer if you’re reading this, feel free to look it up you lazy fucks), Pope John Paul II apologized for the following: The Crusades, The Inquisition, persecution of the Jews, and forced conversions of indigenous people. Then he paused dramatically before adding, “Ok, glad we got that straight. Now we’re ready to go back to being infallible again.” And now after his successor passed off the Pope hat like a diseased baton here comes this goddamn step-Pope to play the cool mom and be all permissive with his flock of brainwashed sheep. Is anyone supposed to be impressed by this?
This latest whole Popey mess stems from that fast food strike that took place the other day. French fry-smellin muthafuckas from all over the country refused to come to work in a protest over wages, and paper crown sales subsequently plummeted to a record low. The funny thing is watching all these conservative Republican douchebags trying to verbally tap dance around their two boyfriends Reagan and The Pope having this little spat over economic philosophy. I’ve seen about 900 different cuntservatives initially stammering about how they’re Catholic just to then massage the sting out of their mere mortal economic disagreement with the guy they regard as the Vicar of Christ on earth. No matter what they chant about in their silly primitive churches, these silver spoon pricks only worship the almighty dollar.
Meanwhile I’m supposed to be shocked and amazed when the media gushes about how the Pope turned in the Pope Mobile and drives himself around in some shitbox. I don’t give a fuck if he rides a unicycle to work, I still say nope to the Pope.