I was online perusing today’s headlines when I saw that some fuckin caricature of a cartoonishly countrified bumpkin has gotten his banjo-playing ass in trouble for blithering some homophobic remarks. Are the Language Police really serious with this one? Look at this fuckin guy. You mean to tell me asinine statements would tumble out of that dude’s mouth in between spurts of tobacco juice? I’ll be damned. I woulda thought he’d have sounded like Christopher Hitchens.
How hypocritical is it that such an obvious embarrassment to humanity like this primitive imbecile and his brood of sister-humpin’ Neanderthals could find themselves in trouble over goddamn political correctness? The whole concept behind that stupid fuckin show is to point and laugh at how “hilariously” backwoods and crude and uncivilized these hillbilly assholes are, and now one of them says something vaguely boorish and it’s supposed to be a shock to anyone? More shocking than that to me is how a piece of dung TV show like that duck bullshit is even on the air in the first place. I’ve stumbled across it a couple of times and was instantly horrified at how plainly fake and producer-made the so-called “reality” garbage was. Not to mention that it’s three grown men stalking a mighty and vicious animal like a goddamn duck as though the pussies were lion-hunting.
So what now? In a move that surprises no one, A&E is instantly running for the hills in an attempt to distance themselves from the circus side show of hayseeds they’ve put on display. They immediately released a statement explaining that ol’ ZZ Top with Down’s syndrome doesn’t speak for the network, that he’s been suspended, and yada yada yada. Basically they’re seeing how pissed off people are before they decide to send the whole wretched family back to whatever cesspool on the bayou they crawled out of. Could you imagine? Isn’t this the same network whose star Dog the Bounty Hunter went on a “Nigger”-filled tirade a few years ago? They let his sleazy ass back on the air in no time. Could the stranglehold that the PC police has over the country have become that much stronger in just a short couple of years?
In fact, when that Dog shit went down, I remember the great Norm MacDonald summarizing it in typically sarcastic fashion as to how the hypothetical call from A&E must have gone: “You have a public image of hunting down criminals in their hotel room, diving at them in the middle of the night and then beating them up—we can’t have you saying racist things.”
It’s the same thing here. “Oh sorry Zeke, or whatever the fuck your name is. Yes, apparently the inbred dullards who live in a shack and slaughter ducks for a living are not exploitable unless it’s on our greedy terms. I’m afraid you’ve eluded to homosexuality not being your particular cup of tea—or moonshine—so now you’re fired. Hit the bricks you bearded dope.”
Luckily nobody gives a fuck if these backcountry cavemen get railroaded because let’s face it, they are utterly without any merit or value to society except as amusement. Still, every time another public figure gets in trouble or loses their job because of a few poorly-chosen words strung together at the wrong time it proves that the Language Police have completely and undeniably run amuck. If these aboriginal rubes can get into trouble, than anyone can.