Fights In White Satin

Typical family reunion from Trump's childhood.

A typical family reunion from Trump’s childhood.


“Ringy ringy ringy, the president, and find out where my baby went/Ringy ringy ringy, the FBI, and find out if my baby’s alive”   -The Ramones, The KKK Took My Baby Away


“He musta thought it was White Boy Day”   -Drexl, True Romance


It was truly a day for love and togetherness as hate-filled members from such celebrated and oppressed groups as Neo-Nazis, the Ku Klux Klan, Alt-Righters, White Nationalists, and even millenial klansmen wearing “skinny sheets” descended on Charlottesville, Virginia—a city already suffering from the pain and embarrassment of accidentally not being located in North Carolina.  It was an unholy marriage of racist imbeciles and racist pseudo-intellectuals.  But it wasn’t just geography that got a city dump’s worth of white trash to put aside their petty differneces, it was their unifying and undying hatred of all things brown.  And Muslim.  And gay.  And generally anyone whose mom and aunt aren’t the same person.

The supposed reasoning behind the rally is the pathetic racist clinging to the last few vestiges of Confederate statues that currently pollute where else but the south, as some sort of priceless historical landmarks, instead of giant “Fuck you’s” to all things non-white.  That’s like if they had statues of British colonial soldiers in Washington, D.C.  The whole bullshit-ass complaint about preserving history is downright laughable from a buncha bumpkins who DVR mud wrestling over the history channel.  Their beloved pigeon toilets have nothing to do with celebrating fuckin history, and everything to do with not-so-subtly celebrating racist sentiments.

So where else but “Emancipation Park” of all places did this swarm of white locusts decide to congregate, in protest to the plans to remove a statue of Robert E. Lee of all fuckin people.  I guess the John Wilkes Booth statue was across town.  How the fuck can you defend a monument to the commanding general from the side that lost to the United states?  I don’t see any Goring or Goebbels statues outside my window.

But if that wasn’t bad enough, one mullet-headed Trump supporter must have suffered a dreaded Nascar flashback as he murderously plowed his Dukes of Hazard car into a throng of normal-thinking people.  One left-wing woman who learned the hard way that there’s no “safe spaces” for crash test dummies was killed, nineteen people were injured, and countless others suffered from serious bummers.  In a related story, a helicopter of arriving police went down around the same time, killing two state troopers.  But even that happy news wasn’t enough to cheer up mourning protestors.

Before it turned into a live action Grand Theft Auto game, the rally’s highlights included nearly a thousand scumbags of all stripes, well, of one white stripe rather, chanting such charming slogans as, “White lives matter”, “You will not replace us” which cleverly mutated into “Jews will not replace us”,  and of course the old Nazi favorite, “Blood and soil.”  That’s like the Electric Slide to Nazis.  Their big bag of supremacist slogans weren’t exactly as inspirational as, “We shall overcome” though, now were they?

Shit like this makes it so embarrassing to be white sometimes.  I mean jesus what fuckin lily-white pussies.  Oh my god, you mean white people are suddenly facing oppressive, different, and lesser treatment in America because of their skin color?  Welcome to every other fuckin race in the country’s history for the last two-plus centuries.  Lord, what racism-obsessed faggots.  White people are clearly not used to and therefore not equipped to deal with any kind of race-based adversity, to the point where they literally can’t handle it.  Shenanigans like Saturday’s are just another example of cracker’s credibility crumbling.

And you know who’s to blame for all this shameful shit don’t you?  No, not inbreeding, though that definitely plays a substantial role.  This is all the political Jackie Robinson aka Obama’s fault.  That’s right.  He started whitey’s meltdown process by having the audacity to be black and be president, and after eight years of non-stop refusal to change color he awoke a decidedly non-jolly white giant that now under Cunt, finally feel like they have one of their own in the appropriately-named White House.  And it’s not just Putin’s gimp but also his white supremacist-packed cabinet that his sycophantic fans adore.  Fuckfaced racists are gladly aware that there’s plenty of other like-minded scum like them infesting Trump’s cabinet, and thus, infecting his policy.

Trump’s all-star team of bigots includes human bag of dirty laundry Steve Bannon, bespectacled Nazi gargoyle Sebastian Gorka, and of course Steven Miller, a man so repugnant that even his own hair is running away from his face to get away from him.  This triple threat of racist, xenophobic, and imbecilic ideology is exactly what has cultivated such a cult following amongst people who can only read Mein Kampf in pop-up book form.  But who cares if he’s endorsed by braindead Nazis?  For Trump, it’s all about that base, ’bout that base.

It’s always funny though whenever I see American douchebags like those involved in the white riot on Saturday espousing pro-Nazi slogans and rocking swastikas.  I guess they were too busy with their diligent study of the Civil War to bother learning anything about World War II, where this guy called Hitler sought to wipe out all Americans as a “mongrel race.”  Not exactly a ringing endorsement from the founder of the Nazi party they so stupidly shill for.  That’s like Irish people being pro-black potato.

Once again, it should be duly noted as always that with all this talk about whites, blacks, Jews, etc. that nobody has mentioned or cares in the slightest about Asian people, despite a nearby statue of Mr. Miyagi being doused with soy sauce.  Meanwhile, during the rally when everybody was Kung Fu fighting, the Charlottesville police did their best Mayberry impression, including taking leisurely strolls to local donut shops as the violence escalated, primarily by weapons-wielding whiteys.  Gee, I wonder whose side the fuckin police were on?  I seem to recall a recent police rally and a sea of white faces and belly laughs at the Fake President’s thinly-disguised racist rhetoric.  That reminds me, I forgot to offer my condolences in the form of my own belly laughs for the chopper fulla pigs that went down.  I would like to have a brief moment of silence, followed by several long moments of giggles.

The governor of Virginia, Yosemite Sam, was quick to denounce the varmints, telling them, “You are not Americans” as I stood up and cheered from my living room.  That’s exactly right.  They’re not Americans and neither is Trump.  They all want to live in the new country of Cracker-stan.  Now somehow there’s people shocked that Trump was mums the word about Charlottesville for two days—even after a member of his demented flock treated an anti-Nazi protestor like a speed bump—and that he didn’t call out white supremacy by name, and instead deplored the violence “on many sides.”  Well what the fuck do you expect?  This is his base he’s tip-toeing around here.  You know, the one we keep hearing about that won’t desert Trump no matter how much insanity pours from his sewer drain of a mouth.  I wonder why they’re so blindly loyal?  Color-blindly, that is.

A man who tweets live TV shows in real time and is completely immune to reality pathetically tried to dodge criticism with intelligence-insulting claims that he waited those two long days to hear all the facts before he commented.  You know what a thoughtful and level-headed person he is after all.  And while he continues to try and defend Nazis by praising their obtaining a permit for the rally (exactly what permit allows you to treat human beings like roadkill, by the way?), all this statue crap has had the exact opposite effect that skinheads and hillbillies so graciously intended.  Now the appalling demonstration of their true colors has inspired outraged sane people to remove Confederate statues en masse all over the country.

And let’s not forget that all Trump’s despicable truth-spinning is coming after somebody from his side of Evil splattered somebody on the side of Good with their car.  Imagine if it was the other way around, the white-knuckled rage Trump and his platoon of goons would be frothing with for lunatic lefties?  Somehow I don’t think it would take two full days before he made a fuckin peep about it either.

Lost in all this is Mr. “Facist Islamic Terrorism” himself, according to former Grand Wizard or Magic Dragon or whatever of the KKK, David Duke, not only inspired the racist rally and heartened many Ku Kluxers and Nazis with such a belated, wishy-washy, and vague condemnation, but now he also gets to sweep the Minnesota mosque bombing—which he had still somehow yet to publicly comment on—under the magic carpet, I mean rug, as well.

And after two years of Trump and his fellow sheep’s clothing-clad supporters claiming that he’s not really a racist, he just plays one on TV, now after such blatant and obvious evidence to the contrary, it’s ironically about time we finally called a spade a spade.


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