Hearing the always unwelcome news that an appearance of Ohio governor John Kasich was imminent, I was about to watch some other newsy crap instead until I saw the dufus has a new book out, which is likely the third in a trilogy after his first two books, the controversial best-seller “Suck My Dick And Like It.” His second work, “Eat My Ass And Need It” did not fare as well with critics. This newest literary masterpiece is bravely titled: “Two paths, One Road” or something like that—I can’t even remember exactly. It had something about “two paths” in it though.
Ironically, Kasich’s book release coincides with another political book, “Shattered”, which I thought was the tale of Chris Christie’s chair but is actually instead about unlovable loser, Hill-dog. Jesus how many other failures are gonna get in on the act of cashing in on their losing campaigns? Is Ross Perot coming out with a new book too?
So anyway before I got the embarrassing sight of yet another book-hawking session for a former presidential candidate on a supposed news program, I caught the sight of the cover of Kasich’s latest tome. What do you think you’d see? Something with two actual paths on it? Or maybe some poignant red state-blue state kind of thing? Maybe a giant pile of shit to symbolize who’s in the White House now?
Well for those playing at home, the last choice was the closest. On the cover of a book about garden mazes or whatever is a giant, close-up, way too smug, awkwardly framed, totally irrelevant picture of Kaisic’s big stupid face. It was as though someone shoved a camera against his nose and said “Cheese.” I mean what the fuck? What does Kasich’s big ugly mug have to do with gardening tips? Who is he, the Nas of politics? The ego on this asshole. Remember you lost dummy, and remember to who. Now go get started on your fourth and final book, “The Asshole Governor Nobody Remembered.”