The Miseducation of Jemele Hill

Now remember what Jemele said, this isn't about black people.

Now remember what Jemele said, this isn’t about black people.

 

Pretentiousness truly knew no bounds during one of the more unnecessary pieces of television ever filmed, as “Doin’ Too Much” co-originator Jemele Hill failed to heed her own advice, and for some reason hosted the terribly titled, “An Undefeated Conversation: Athletes, Responsibility, and Violence.”  I mean, if that’s not the worst name for a TV program this side of “Dora Does Dallas”, then I don’t know what is.  I also love how the title on the back wall and floor of the studio has the word “The” instead of “An.”  Very professional.  Not only is the title cumbersome and nonsensical, it’s also utterly asinine.  That particular conversation has experienced nothing but endless defeats; it’s the verbal equivalent of Palooka Joe from Punch Out.

So I’m all settled in and ready to be nauseated by yet another sports shill paying swollen lip service to fans about athletes and domestic violence, but then two minutes in, some ominous foreshadowing arrives in the form of Hill explaining, “This isn’t a Chicago issue, or even a black issue.”  Although my initial reaction was, “Then why the hell are you Chicago surrounded by nothing but scores of black people?”, the better question was what was Hill’s point in bringing that up.  What does Chicago and black people have to do with domestic violence, after all?

Then Hill’s opening verbal salvo subsided and they cut to, oh god no, anything but spoken word poetry.  Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick.  Yo, I’m sorry but spoken word poetry has got to be the absolute wackest form of entertainment ever conceived by man.  These clowns are always such grandstanding, overly-theatrical tool sheds.  They’re not quite good enough to be MC’s, they’re not quite good enough to be poets, so they spout this bastardized pseudo-intellectual horseshit to pretend they could possibly contribute to either true art form.  The only thing tight about that talentless sack of wack was his faggot-ass skinny jeans.

Next they cut to an awful town hall-style panel discussion moderated by Hill and by now I realized that this show wasn’t focused on the standard, tired narrative and unsolvable problems concerning athletes and domestic violence.  No, instead it was focused on the standard, tired narrative and unsolvable problems concerning gun violence between blacks and police.  Terrific.  Trade one lame, pointless topic for another.  And honestly, the whole bait-and-switch nature of the program’s title is kinda false advertising.  Nobody said anything about a police and gun violence discussion, and yet that’s all we got here: black guys not black eyes.

After the initial panel of ninety percent black people, they came back from commercial featuring a second panel that was indeed nothing but blacks.  So much for this not being a black issue, eh Jemele?  But even worse, while I was watching this drivel mainly by just clicking the thirty second fast forward button (I DVR’d it to annoy myself with later), I learned that one of the panelists’ sparkling credentials was that she had a son who was shot and murdered.  It always kills me (pun intended) when people like this get a platform to spout self-righteous gibberish.  Your son was shot; how the fuck does award you with a resume fit for giving other people advice?  The only advice you should have is, “Don’t be as shitty a parent as I was.”

Then Jemele went to commercial again by throwing it to that spoken word jackass humiliating humanity live in studio, and that was it for me.  I had to tap out.  I had seen more than enough already, and my TV screen’s still dripping with wack juice.  Not to mention I’m still cringing from vicarious embarrassment.  Plus I’m pretty sure there was something like nine hours left of that turd festival.  Holy guacamole.  ESPN has just sunk to a new low, and that’s really saying something.

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