Clowns to the Left of Me, Jokers to the Right

Looks like Milo's finally flamed out. How ironic.

Looks like Milo’s finally flamed out. How ironic.

 

“There’s virtually no space to occupy between the extreme left and the extreme right that doesn’t get you attacked by both sides.”  -Sam Harris

 

Now this Left-Right hysteria has got me supporting a limey, alt-right homo like Milo Yiannopoulos?  Things have really gotten out of hand.

Truth be told, as an unfortunate person who pays attention to our cruel world, I’ve been aware of this walking ball of annoyance for a while before the kerfuffle he caused on some college campus resulted in a riot.  Milo’s a professional troll who looks like the Michael Jordan in the role to Skip Bayless’ Sam Bowie.  He’s also hell-on-wheels in a debate with your average dopey feminist because he’s super intelligent, articulate, and oh yeah, he’s a flaming gay guy who loves regaling audiences with his love for black cock.  Wow, how daring.  This guy’s like the Lisa Lampanelli of politics.  The tactic of ironically trying to white-out right-wing hogwash with black semen usually works on befuddled, armpit-haired lezbos and skinny jeans-clad so-called dudes, who can’t possibly compute something so bizarre.  But that trickery ain’t working on this dirty Mic.  Although I agree with his views on feminism and trannys, if you carefully listen to most of Milo’s flimsy arguments, there’s no need to panic over any of his penis gobbling opinions.

Yet still, instead of debating him this audience decided to bravely start a riot instead.  I guess the whole nonsense was sparked over some supposedly pro-pedophilia statements Milo made.  Funny enough, I actually heard what all the fuss was about back when it first aired like six months previously on the Joe Rogan podcast.  As I recall, Milo was just speaking on the double standard between teacher-student sexual relations, and that gay teens getting banged by gay older dudes could actually be a positive experience.  Essentially it was the reverse of the same thought every man on earth has when a story comes out about a hot young teacher fucking one of her high school students: Damn, where was she when I was in school?  And then invariably you begin to fantasize about the many teachers you prayed would have defiled you over the years.  By the way, Ms. Jones from freshman year social studies, holla at ya boy.

I don’t know if Milo said anything new on the topic, largely because I don’t want to type the word “pedophile” into my search engine.  I ain’t going out like Pete Townshend.  Cops at my door and I’m like, “No, really, it was just research for The Spew, honest…”  Either way though as far as I know this was his only supposedly pro-pedophilia statement, and the comments were hardly controversial as far as I was concerned back when he initially made them.

But I do know in the subsequent months as his notoriety and reputation for assholery grew, Milo’s mere presence at this one campus in question was enough for millennials to meltdown like the spoiled pseudo-intellectual pussies that they are.  Their little riot actually did a hundred thousand dollars worth of damage—which incidentally would pay for about one semester of tuition.  It was like the faggiest Attica ever.  It was also a perfect example of the Left’s favorite buzz-word, “tolerance”, by the way.  They only agree with tolerance when they benefit from it.  Milo’s not a monster.  He’s just a flamingly gay ultra-conservative republican, which means he’s either an incredibly good actor, incredibly self-loathing, or incredibly confused.  That’s like David Duke joining the Black Panthers.

But such campus overreactions are just one of the many examples of how disgusting the extreme Left has become.  They are absolutely irredeemable.  The only joy I got from the planet being ruined on November fifth was watching the footage of all those disillusioned college kids absolutely hysterically (in more ways than one) weeping over it.  See, they had never lost anything in their lives before—this was literally the first time for many of them—so they not only had no clue how to handle it, they couldn’t even comprehend it.  That’s the problem when you grow up in a world where everybody gets a trophy and there’s no such thing as an “F.”  You get a generation that doesn’t know how to lose.  Welcome to the real world pussbags.  After the election, where’s the safe space that’s gonna protect you from the entire United States?  Canada?

But while the extreme Left has managed to narrow the gap of my hatred to paper thin, the extreme Right still remains the undisputed king of revulsion.  You can always count on the ga-zillionaire Wall Street crooks and the cousin-humpin’ and bible thumpin’ right-wingers for some loathsome moments in any political cycle, but these days watching the Right scramble to defend an endless parade of one colossal Trump fuck-up after the next is as painful as it is infuriating.  How the fuck can his supporters find no faults whatsoever in his dumpster fire of a presidency?  We all know he can’t admit reality, but do you shmucks have to follow suit?  At this point, unless you’re rich, racist, religious, or retarded, you have to be at least a little disappointed in how “Great” America seems poised to become again, and how great of a job our Tweeter-In-Chief is doing.  And if you’re not troubled by all this Russian weirdness than you’re simply not paying attention.

Their desire for religious fascism is what will ultimately always give Righty’s the edge for my contempt, but man, just a few short years ago I never would have dreamed the gap between the two sides could ever be so close.  It’s like the more one side ratchets up the crazy, the more the other side has to top them.  It’s a nuclear arms race of idiocy and hypocrisy, and we’re all losing.

I mean really, how the fuck can you be on the same side of every single issue?  To paraphrase the great Chris Rock, “There’s some shit I’m liberal about, and there’s some shit I’m conservative about.”  I think like me, most sane people fall along those lines, albeit slightly more tilted to one side or the other.  Have you ever met a person you agreed with one hundred percent of the time?  Then how can two entire political parties continue to manage to achieve such an impossible feat?  Both sides of politicians are election junkies, nothing more.  They don’t give a fuck about anything but their bank accounts.  Both sides of supporters are stuck in their own echo chambers.  If Trump cured cancer or strangled a puppy on live TV, he’d still have half the country hating him, and half loving him.  It’s almost like political issues don’t even matter any more.  Only emotional ones.

All I want to know is, where the fuck do the normal people go any more?

 

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