Car Alarm

Look at this monstrosity.

Look at this monstrosity. It’s called a cop car for a reason, because it’s supposed to be a fuckin car.


Even though I’m not black so I’m not constantly ducking their bullets or having my neck broken by them, I nontheless feel nothing but hatred and contempt for all things police.  I’ve only called the cops once in my entire life, when many years ago some junkie (I assume) broke into my car and stole a couple things.  The cop’s response was stunning.  He asked me if I knew who did it, and when I told him I didn’t he basically said, “Well what do you want me to do?”  I don’t know, I thought you were the fuckin police.  They didn’t even bother to send a car even though I was only two goddamn minutes down the road from the station.  So the one time I needed them, they told me to fuck off.  Every other interaction I’ve had with them has been even less positive than that.

So nothing irritates me more than the douchebag SUV cop that’s been terrorizing Taunton the last few months.  SUV cops in general are a needless scourge to society.  Why not hummers?  How about a monster truck cop car?  Or a tank that shoots flames with a big sign that says “Fuck The Public” on the side?

But this SUV cocksucker is in rare form lately.  You can’t drive anywhere from Watson’s Pond (aka Lake Toilet) to Massasoit without seeing this fuckin guy.  Could someone please explain to me why police departments have all these brand new shiny SUVs anyway?  Are they off-roading to chase suspects?  This isn’t border patrol, it’s East fuckin Taunton.  I didn’t realize it was so crime-ridden that they needed a brand new vehicle in order to adequately protect the public.  What garbage; the cops don’t protect a goddamn thing.  Two guys were shot to death on their front lawn in broad daylight in the city a few years ago, and a colleague of mine was in the newsroom to hear the scanner as the responding officer declined to pursue the suspected vehicle the shots came from.  But the assholes are Johnny on the Spot to issue me a goddamn ridiculous traffic ticket for a rolling stop at eleven thirty at night.  Way to keep the city safe fellas.

Let’s be real here, there is literally no advantage whatsoever to SUV cop cars other than they’re more imposing to the citizenry the pigs are supposedly hired to protect and serve.  That’s all they’re there for.  I even saw an SUV statey in East Taunton the other morning.  First of all, you’re pretty fuckin far from Kansas if you’re supposed to police the highway and you’re driving through a part of the city that’s barely even paved.  E.T. had horses and buggies up til like ten years ago.  Secondly, is there any vehicle more retarded on earth than a SUV statey?  A pogo stick would make more sense.  I’m not Tim the Toolman Taylor, but even I know SUVs guzzle way more gas than cars, so why would you use one to drive up and down the goddamn highways all day long?  Once again, it’s just an excuse for cops to waste taxpayer’s money with a needless new toy to intimidate innocent people with.  Fuckin cunts.

I used to think bike cops were by far the biggest fags in the department.  They’re even one step below horse cops on the laughable job totem pole.  But now it’s plain to see that any cop, especially a state cop, that drives a goddamn completely unnecessary and gaz-guzzling SUV is clearly numero uno in the douche department.



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