After a random viewing of some outrageous new special from what is alleged to be a chick, it gave me pause to reflect on the few female stand-up comics on the same level as their male counterparts, and the state of vaginal comedy in general. There’s a couple of things that jump out immediately. A few of them are:
Tig No-bra-o – Truth be told, I don’t really gravitate towards female stand-up comics. I tend to prefer comedy that’s actually funny. Still however, there’s a few funny broads out there, and a slew of mediocre to okay ones. One of the latter is prepubescent boy posing as undercover lesbian, Tig Notaro. I was flipping around the old boob tube—ironically—because when I came across her latest special I was immediately flabbergasted by what I saw. Evidently, an eleven year-old boy was shirtless on stage. But wait a second, that wasn’t an eleven year-old boy, it was Tig Notaro. I should have known, the boy would have had bigger breasts.
I didn’t start watching until she was ten or fifteen minutes into her set, but by the way her shirt was flung over a stool in the background, and how she walked around stage doing her normal routine without even addressing the fact that she was—technically—topless, suggested that she did it right when she came out. And Jesus what a sight. She looked like a Holocaust victim with a slightly better haircut. Meanwhile, all I could think was why couldn’t Eliza Shlesinger, aka the hottest female stand-up ever, have come up with this idea? Normally I despise joke thieves, but this time it would definitely be a rather glorious exception.
As for the titless wonder, it was an absolutely shocking choice, and honestly her boyish demeanor and body have finally got me seriously considering the possibility that some people might really be born in the wrong body. No way that was meant to be a chick.
Amy Show-mer – Speaking of female comic’s wardrobes, or lack thereof, one thing that has always bothered me about the second-best living female stand-up (behind, by some distance, Sarah Silverman) is the ever-present short-ass dress and high heels she wears on stage for every performance. Look, I get it, she’s cute—she almost looks like a chubby Ronda Rousey—and it helps sell tickets. But the fact is, she’s better than that. Whitney Cummings also wears the shortest dresses imaginable, but that’s because she’s not that funny. Esther Ku’s hot little asian ass comes out in a shoolgirl outfit, pigtails, and glasses—because she’s a goddamn hack. Those chicks need to accentuate their sexuality because they don’t have the comedic chops to capture or keep an audience’s attention with simply their material alone. The aforementioned ladies’ champ Sarah Silverman is hot too, but she wears regular goddamn pants and a regular goddamn shirt on-stage. She doesn’t dress like she should be standing under a street light in downtown Taunton, because she doesn’t have too. And Shumer doesn’t have to either.
Rivers Run Deep – All this talk about broad comedy predictably makes me think about the women’s eternal champion, Joan Rivers. Not only was she easily the best female comic ever, she was one of the best comics ever, period. And quite frankly, no comic in history of any gender was as sharp as she was into their eighties. From her first appearance on the Tonight Show in 1965, to her last comedy special in 2012, until her death in September of last year, Rivers’ legendarily razor-sharp wit amazingly never dulled. And she never came out in a schoolgirl outfit either.