“Look let’s not beat about the bush, she was chosen because she was a sop to the extreme right who don’t like McCain. That’s all she’s there for, and it shows.” -Christopher Hitchens on Larry King, October 24, 2008
“Anyone who thinks Sara Palin isn’t just cashing out on this, and is gonna make a few million on her book and then leave them flat is a fool. She is obviously, classicly, a hollow, heartless opportunist of the shallowest kind, and she’s gonna leave them in the lurch.” -Hitchens speaking at Sidney Writers Festival, 2010
If there was one reason that the Republican party should be forcibly disbanded it’s the queen of the trailer park herself Sarah Palin. This is a woman who doesn’t know the fuckin address of the house she was horrifyingly close to living in! A few weeks ago the hillbilly princess referred to the most famous address this side of 90210 as “1400 Pennsylvania Ave.” while even schoolchildren know it is, in fact,”1600.” There was a fuckin movie made about a White House murder called “1600” for chrissake. Palin makes Dan Quayle look like Winston Churchill.
How any human being could identify themselves as a member of that wretched party after they foisted the most monstrously unqualified candidate in vice presidential history is beyond me. This is the problem with appealing to the stupidest and most backwoods people in the country—needing one of their own on the ticket to get elected. And boy howdy, as the Palin brood’s recent Animal House-style dinner party antics can attest, the great unwashed of this country should feel that ol’ Sara Barracuda was certainly one of their own.
Considering it wasn’t exactly a a Mensa meeting that erupted into a drunken fistfight, details are understandably sketchy, but the police have released a few crucial details about last month’s incident. It appears the Palin’s attended a local hootenany where eldest daughter Bristol spotted a man she argued with at a recent hoedown over his actions at a nearby shindig. She gracefully concluded their disagreement by repeatedly punching him in his likely already toothless mouth, and the cast of Hee Haw brawled with the Beverly Hillbillies for ultimate redneck supremacy. The police, and likely animal control, were called, and Bristol eloquently recounted the scuffle to officers in every unprintable four-letter word in her impressive vocabulary. All told, Palin’s husband, son, and two daughters all received minor injuries.
When reached for comment, President Obama quipped, “I guess Trigg isn’t the only retard in the family.”
The press in attendance responded with a standing ovation.