Blacktain America And Whor

They're too ashamed to even look at eachother.

They’re too ashamed to even look at eachother.

 

Much like the ominous and deadly black ooze lethally patrolling the lake from Creepshow, it seems that political correctness is an unstoppable scourge that continues to terrifyingly engulf everything in its vicinity.  I remember hearing about DC (Dick Cock) Comics decision to turn the Green Lantern gay in the last year or so, and considering how faggy that comic was to begin with, it actually made perfect sense.  And besides, it wasn’t like they were turning The Hulk or somebody important unexpectedly fruity (although The Hulk does wear purple pants and is named Bruce) it was just some third-tier wannabe popular character.  That’s like if Marvel re-made the Shemp of the X-Men, Beast, as a big blue transsexual—nobody would bat an eye.  Instead, Hollywood would probably just use it as an excuse to make a new movie called “The Ex-Men.”

Sadly, it seems that now even previously respected second-tier heroes aren’t immune to having their entire essence mutilated.  In a baffling decision that absolutely reeks of political pandering, Marvel has inexplicably decided to transform Captain America into a black guy and Thor into a woman.  And Stan Lee wept…

It’s always been irritating when the film industry arbitrarily meddles with a comic book character’s race, like when they made Spawn’s boy who banged his wife a honky for no reason, or the curious reversal of race Harvey Dent aka Two Face underwent over the course of three Batman movies.  But for the actual comics themselves to be so hideously disfigured is like when that deranged French lunatic doused the Mona Lisa with acid—it’s a filthy and ruinous act.  Why doesn’t Marvel just create a new black and female comic book character?  For the same reason the film industry keeps re-treading the same goddamn movies over and over: they’re out of ideas.  Culturally, it’s been the same soup just re-heated for the last decade, but if the masses keep flocking in droves to slurp it up, why change the recipe?

In the end, it doesn’t really matter if Thor’s long golden locks are now flowing from her crotch, or if Captain America’s shield has now become a giant spinning rim.  Evidently, being creatively bankrupt and stealing ideas can make you a fortune.

 

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