Biography for the Makers of the Site

Cameras refuse to record Mr. Epstein, like a vampire.

Cameras refuse to record Mr. Epstein, like a vampire.

 

Jason Epstein III:

They call him Mad Stupid Jason, and with good reason.  Because whether he’s running out of gas on the highway, swearing on the holy bible about his homosexual exploits with a deceased science teacher, or waking up soaked in urine of an unknown and likely foreign origin, you can rest assured that he’s up to something stupid.

Jason and his boyfriend Deebo live together in a dumpster behind a Roscoe’s chicken and waffles.  They have eleven dead cats and a bag full of used diapers that they consider their children.  Jason’s dream in life is to become head manager at a sperm bank, while Deebo wishes to pursue a career as a proctologist.  They cite their romantic first encounter at a glory hole in the bathroom from Desperado as the night they fell in love.

“It was love at first blow,”  Jason recalled, stroking his boyfriend’s hairy Andre the Giant-sized hands.  “Of all the glory holes I’ve ever been to, that was easily my twelfth best experience.”

“Oh definitely,”  Deebo agreed.  “Even though he’s mad stupid and runs out of gas on the highway all the time, I still love him.”

The two are scheduled to be wed in late July.  Invitations will be printed on used toilet paper.

 

Mulligan:

Born in the wagon of a traveling show, Mulligan was elected President of the Universe seconds after leaving the womb.  Then a bunch of stuff happened, then he wrote this biography.  And one time his friend Mad Stupid Jason ran out of gas on the highway.

Best friends Mulligan and Tyson. Tyson's the one on the left.

Best friends Mulligan and Tyson. Tyson’s the one on the left.

 

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