Biggie Day

I'll never forget when I got the vinyl of "Born Again" months before anybody else. Unfortunately I never listened to it, because the second I removed it from the sleeve I uncontrollably ejaculated all over it.

I’ll never forget when I got the vinyl of “Born Again” months before anybody else. Unfortunately I never listened to it, because the second I removed it from the sleeve I uncontrollably ejaculated all over it.

 

“The greatest rapper of all time died on March 9th”    -Canibus

 

It’s hard to believe that it’s been seventeen years since Biggie was murdered, and even harder to believe that authorities are still no closer to solving that crime—or the murder of Tupac—than they were before their bodies were even cold.  I don’t think anyone still believes that those crimes will ever be solved at this point, but nevertheless the day of March 9th should remain one of celebration forever more.  There’s no real protocol to celebrate Biggie Day, except perhaps eating until the point of intestinal explosion and donning a fedora, but I always like to mark the occasion by playing an endless loop of his classics.  It was almost tougher than defeating him in a pie-eating contest, but I narrowed down my top five favorite Biggie songs of all time:

 

1.  Kick In The Door – If an alien landed in my back yard and asked me to summarize Biggie in one song, this would be the one.  I could literally—and practically do—listen to this song every day and never get tired of it.  It’s also interesting to note that Puff Faggy actually told Primo that he was upset with the production; that shit’s so raw his bitch-ass must’ve got his panties hopelessly entangled.

2.  10 Crack Commandments – Still the greatest song about slinging crack of all time, and that’s a strong field to choose from.  Biggie was in peak form with his creativity in this classic.  “Never get high on your own supply” isn’t simply a lyric, it’s words to live by.

3.   Sky’s The Limit – The Notorious one never got more real than he did on this song, and it’s a shame he didn’t do it more often because it’s undoubtedly one of his all-time best lyrical efforts.  It’s tracks like this that really make me wonder how great Big might have been if he had lived until now.

4.   Unbelievable – Similar to “Kick In The Door” not just for the Primo production but also for the sheer mastery and entertaining quality of Biggie’s flow.  Be careful not to turn up your headphones too high when you listen to this, it’s been known to shatter eardrums.

5.   I Got A Story To Tell – Big was at his (unsurprisingly) storytelling best with this one, and penned a hilarious and epic tale that has never been duplicated before or since.  I love his re-telling of the story to his cronies at the end, when he’s asked which Knick and he goes, “I don’t know, one of them 6’5” niggas,”  Howard Cossell couldn’tve said it better.

 

It’s weird to think about how Biggie’s legacy would’ve been affected by Puffy’s unabashed faggotry had he lived.  Would he have appropriately ditched an obvious scourge of real hip hop, or would they be sewing Puff’s and Mase’s shiny-ass suits together to make Biggie a sleeve?  Could Notorious BIG have allowed himself to become notorious F.A.G?  Nobody in his inner circle’s subsequent careers have added to his legacy whatsoever.  I guess Puff’s lyrically-challenged ass actually said it best on Missing You: “My thoughts Big I just can’t define.”

He sure can’t.  When it comes to Biggie’s legacy, nobody can.

 

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