Big Copy


I love it when you call me Big Papi. Baseball’s been bery bery good to the Notorious P.I.G., but that doesn’t mean he has to take chit from any-damn-body.


Now that’s how you do a fuckin interview.

Everyone’s favorite Red Sox (Sock?) and human taco bell Big Papi enthralled the press yesterday with a profanity-laced diatribe about the MLB’s new idiotic rule changes.  Forgetting that it’s the sport itself that sucks, rather than just the duration spent watching it, baseball has foolishly decided to annoy everyone by instituting a clock for hitters.  In order to speed up the game, no longer are they allowed to gracefully tug at their crotch for fifteen minutes between swings.  Papi’s response of course, was no bueno.

He hilariously explained the stupidity of the rule, his anger of its haphazard implementation, and the hypocrisy of pitchers remaining exempt from the new time constraints.  “What about when peetchers do dees chit?”  He asked before amusingly pantomiming a typical pitcher’s nodding festival with the catcher before throws.  Considering that English isn’t his first language, and judging by his questionable mastery of it maybe not even his second or third, Papi sure knows how to get his point across.

See Marshawn Lynch and Kevin Durant?  That’s how to be an actual rebel and not give a shit about the press: speak your goddamn mind like a man instead of crying about a character assassination that hasn’t even happened.  After seeing how a real outspoken athlete conducts an interview, both of those childish chumps just got thoroughly Papi’d on.

And now the whiny bitches are straight soaked.


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