The month of April was a lean one for The Spew, what with my lap top and moving issues, so I’m coming out guns blazing for the month of May. Here’s a few tasty tidbits of bite-sized wisdom:
Scottie Pissin – The NBA’s bridesmaid and World’s Deepest-Voiced Man Scottie Pippen proved his bladder condition was hereditary the other night, by way of his grotesque new celebrity of a daughter. The difference is that Scottie only pissed himself during the playoffs, while his pride and joy urinated all over herself in an even more public and embarrassing fashion. Daddy’s Little Girl got ultra shitfaced and turned a glamorous red carpet event into her own personal outhouse, which is clearly what every proud papa dreams about his daughter becoming famous for one day. Pippen’s Father’s Day gift should be a noose.
Two Girls One Crap – Does anyone else ever wonder what happened to those fecalfeliac broads from the internet’s most infamous video? I’ve never watched Two Girls One Cup, but similar to Broke Back Mountain, believe me I get the gist enough to know I don’t want to see it. But think about it, if those chicks got just one dollar for every time that video was watched, they’d be fuckin billionaires. That’s almost enough money to buy them the proper amount of mouthwash. But talk about a fascinating VH1 “Behind The Shit” that would be. They’re two of the most famous broads in the world and they’ve completely disappeared from public view. Or maybe they’re just camouflaged in doody.
Ghastly Madison – Listening to Sirius radio lately—on YouTube of course, who’s gonna shell out money to those bozos—I keep hearing the same Ashley Madison ad over and over. What it should really be is a commercial for why you should never get married. For those of you who don’t know, Ashley Madison is the noble service designed for married people to rampantly cheat on eachother with ease, and evidently business is booming. The ad’s such a joke too, the hubby finds his wife’s Ashley Madison profile, and then they both have a happy discussion about her getting strange dude’s dicks shoved into any willing orifice. She’s like, “I love you and I love our house, but I can’t be celibate any more, I need to be alive again.” What a crock of shit. We all know that site is designed primarily for married men to get some side pussy, but they don’t want to get divorced and get raked over the coals. Very subtle reverse psychology. I’d love to be a fly-on-the-wall for any discussion a husband tries to have with his wife after hearing that stupid ad. “Say honey, have you ever heard of Ashley Madison?” Then all you hear is the sound of frying pan meeting skull.