Abort Mission

North Carolina Gov. Pat McGroin, evidently cackling at world over-population.

North Carolina Governor Pat McGroin, evidently cackling at world over-population.


The governor of North Carolina has shockingly provided an example of the South being ass-backwards dunces on social issues when he signed a highly restrictive abortion bill today.  The fuckface is trying to be slick by passing a bunch of shit that will essentially drive abortion clinics out of business in the Tar Heel state, and as expected, this is entirely motivated by his delusional fantasies about a magical dude in the sky.

I have to stop to catch my breath as I write this before I suffer a brain aneurism.  The abortion issue is as simple as any fuckin issue facing our species.  It can be solved in one easy step.  Ready?  Here goes: If you don’t believe in abortion under any circumstances, then don’t get one.

Ta-da!!!  How fuckin amazing is that?  So if you get raped by your grandfather and the severely retarded and deformed baby will not only probably not survive the birth but will likely kill you as well, tough noogies.  And if you’re a dude and that happens to your daughter, you should find said noogies equally tough. 

After all, your mental illness masquerading as a religion has been very clear on the subject.  Ah yes, nothing like Bronze Age wisdom in the 21st century.  Because a bunch of ancient assholes have obviously solved all of the world’s problems with their ridiculous book of fairy tale horseshit.  They couldn’t figure out the fuckin light bulb, but the eternal mysteries of the universe?  No problemo.

Well fine.  If that’s what you were brainwashed with as a child and you’re too weak and stupid to cast off the shackles of mental slavery and prefer instead to spend your existence as a mindless sheep, then you are free to do so.

But you’ve gotta be out of your Jesus-loving mind if you think your personal ignorance should somehow become the law of the land.

Excuse me Cletus, but the separation of church and state is what actually gives this country the laudable qualities you fuckin hillbillies are always toothlessly blithering about.  I can’t possibly fathom how the clearly nonsensical rules dictated to you clowns by some primitive scribblings have any bearing whatsoever on the lives of the rest of the humans on this planet without both thumbs jammed squarely up their ass.  If you don’t believe in abortion, why does that mean the rest of us don’t have to?  You religious fucks believe in a lotta dumbass shit that no one else does.  Like pedophilia.

Now I don’t condone abortion as a method of birth control.  Getting an abortion should be like getting a sub: they just punch a hole in your abortion card and after three abortions you get a free steak and cheese…but no more abortions.

Either way, the fact is abortion is not only not going anywhere, it’s been around a lot longer than you might expect.  I remember being shocked reading Christopher Columbus’ journals when literally the only thing he found admirable about the Native Americans was their superior abortion method.  The squaws would munch a certain root, and presto, pregnancy over.  Columbus thought that was ingenious compared to the much more dangerous European method he was familiar with.  That’s over 500 fuckin years ago, and here’s Columbus speaking about abortion like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.  The newly discovered non-flat world, that is.

It was around 500 years ago and it will still be around 500 years from now.  Thankfully, reading the 2012 statistics for worldwide belief in religion, you shmucks won’t.


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