In celebration of Mulligan’s Spew posting it’s fiftieth shining diamond of magnificent brilliance, the site team decided to throw an elaborate party at the Ritz, but since it’s only a two-person staff it may have been a tad excessive. More excessive than that though was the amount of hubbub and hullabaloo that unexpectedly erupted during the shocking and foul-smelling night.
According to reports, the modern-day Shakespeare Mulligan did not himself attend the party, leaving only site designer Mad Stupid Jason Epstein and his hideous bride Deebo inside the massive cavernous ballroom. Things apparently got heated when Jason learned that a ballroom does not in fact consist of thousands upon thousands of men’s hairy testicles, and he belligerently demanded a refund despite it being a free event. Embarrassed by his husband’s unsurpassed stupidity, Deebo stormed out of the supposedly falsely advertised room crying hysterically in a manner not unlike Meadow Soprano. Jason meanwhile had become entangled in a treacherous plastic web of six-pack’s rings and passed out.
When Jason awoke unsurprisingly drenched in his own and several of the Ritz staffers’ urine he bemoaned married life, saying, “If only I could return to my true calling as a glory hole enthusiast things would be so much simpler.” Jason then pathetically burst into convulsing sobs like a pregnant woman, and had to be escorted off of the premises by people with HazMat suits due to the gallons and gallons of warm piss that had pooled around his sleeping carcass.
When reached for comment about the awful public meltdown of one of his closest friend’s seemingly happy marriage Mulligan responded, “Move out of my way I’ve gotta take a big shit.”
Evidently he was too distraught to elaborate further.